i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
