We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
