I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
