could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
