i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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