oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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