I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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