I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
