I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
