you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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