my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
