we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
