I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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