Sponge bath it is.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
