shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
