I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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