I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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