I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Congratulations! We have a period
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
