Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
