Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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