I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
