two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
