what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
