I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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