oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
