Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
