bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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