I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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