this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
