I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
