So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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