He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
