in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
