He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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