i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
