fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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