So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
