Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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