Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
