I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
