You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
