I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
