why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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