My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
