i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
