do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
