So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
NoShamevember. You game?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
