it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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