I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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