I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
