I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
