A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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