Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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