She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
