you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
